The Black Box - Presidential Election Platform

President / Pontifex Maximus ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Charles "Bones" Kornnedy

Vice President / Satanic Leison ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Denvil "Gross Tete" Ragans

Defense Minister / PT Instructor--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dale "Herbert" Hooverris

Director of Foreign Affairs / Paddle Supervisor --------------------------------------------------------Andre' "Longpole" Lincolnrol

Pope of Rock / Executive Straightjacket Tester ------------------------------------- Thomas "GuitarLordAlmighty" Eldripiphone

official Black Box platform statements:

Foreign Policy - No need, there are no other countries. Everythings like in the matric and your asleep inside a gooey pink cell producting heat and electricity for a brutal race of machines in a nightmarish future which we created. Ironic that the machines actually made a whole trilogy about that.

Domestic Policy - Again, mechanical monsters... not really an issue.

Musical Policy - Rock or be rocked.

Fiscal Policy - 3/5 of us think that fiscal means 'money' the other two think it's got something to do with sexual devience so for now we're against it.

Monetary Policy - We're planning to buy a dictionary to clear this whole issue up. Rest assured John Q. Public, we will spend your taxes responsibly to appoint a dedicated committee to resolve this problem professionally over expensive pastries.

Gun Conrol - Our most advanced weapons are useless against the mechanical hordes. We advocate shooting wildly into the air and hollering madly. Our top scientists believe that this will alert god to our plight and bring his wrath down upon our abominable creations and free us from their tyrrany.

Education Policy - Children should learn to use sticks to make fire, then to use that fire to cook animals and eat them. Also they should learn to sharpen the sticks to kill the animals to eat after using the sticks to make fire then cooking the animals. This skill will be essential when we are freed from the matrix by god or aliens or something. Also they should learn that this was all Bill Gates' fault and we should never trust nerds who who try to buy the government.

Drug Policy - Not really a top priority what with the being trapped in a dream state by sentient computers and all.

Civil Rights - Every man woman and child has the right to lay in a sack of pink mucus and generate energy while their thoughts are digitized and routed into a vast matrix which serves as the incubator for what is left of human existance.