{"id":1005,"date":"2007-11-02T10:01:21","date_gmt":"2007-11-02T10:01:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/?p=1005"},"modified":"2011-08-22T04:46:50","modified_gmt":"2011-08-22T04:46:50","slug":"conservatruth-is-stranger-than-fiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/?p=1005","title":{"rendered":"Conservatruth is Stranger than Fiction"},"content":{"rendered":"

*originally printed in Red Shtick Magazine – November, 2007<\/a> (pdf<\/a>)<\/p>\n

There are some universal truths that, once learned, become an undying light in your heart that\u00a0you cannot contain. This light of absolute truth has found me. I am a lying, hypocritical,<\/p>\n

tyrant of words, yet even I cannot spin the truth I’ve found into the freedom-hating, satirical\u00a0terrorism that I so love to write.\u00a0Conservapedia is a bastion of truth and open understanding. Pointing your web browser\u00a0towards www.conservapedia.com takes you one click closer to the truth, and one click farther\u00a0away from forbidden knowledge.<\/p>\n

God put the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden and told us not to\u00a0eat its fruit. In today\u2019s World Wide Web-connected e-Eden of free information, there grows a\u00a0new Tree of Knowledge. The sour fruit it bears are the lies and slander that permeate the\u00a0pages of Wikipedia. The serpents that tempt us to eat of this fruit are called liberals.<\/p>\n

Okay, that’s about all the straight satire I can muster on this one. I’m just so glad I found this\u00a0site, I had to share it with the world, or whoever made it to the second paragraph.\u00a0Conservapedia is comedy and tragedy all wrapped up in a familiar Meta-Wiki website.<\/p>\n

Conservapedia was set up as a response to the purported liberal bias of the totally open\u00a0format of Wikipedia. Conservapedia strictly limits editing by blacklisting users and IPs,\u00a0disallowing anonymous IPs, and protecting certain articles \u2013 notably, those titled \u201cGeorge W.\u00a0Bush,\u201d \u201cDick Cheney,\u201d and \u201cRepublican Party.\u201d Though Conservapedia defines itself in\u00a0contrast to Wikipedia, it utilizes the same open source MediaWiki software package\u00a0originally designed for open access to Wikipedia.<\/p>\n

From my dangerously cynical perspective, using open source software to censor knowledge\u00a0itself creates a delightfully ironic symmetry that just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.\u00a0Browsing the main page, you get a quick understanding of what’s going on with the site. The\u00a0logo reads \u201cConservapedia: The Trustworthy Encyclopedia.\u201d The page features a prominent\u00a0link to the article \u201cExamples of Bias in Wikipedia.\u201d The cited biases include the following\u00a0amusements:<\/p>\n

“Wikipedia has a lengthy entry on \u2018Jesus H. Christ,\u2019 a term that is an idiotic mockery of the\u00a0Christian faith. Wikipedia calls the term \u2018often humorous,\u2019 \u2018joking\u2019 and \u2018comedic.\u2019” Accurate\u00a0definitions of common, if irreverent, slang are to be considered biased.<\/p>\n

“Wikipedia promotes suicide with 21,544 entries that mention this depravity, including many\u00a0entries that feature it.” Suicide is not a fact; it is a biased opinion that promotes depravity and\u00a0suicide.<\/p>\n

“Wikipedia uses guilt-by-association far worse than Joseph McCarthy ever did.”\u00a0Conservapedia’s article on Joseph McCarthy states in the first paragraph that his suspicions\u00a0about Communist conspiracies have been \u201cproven correct\u201d and offers little further comment.<\/p>\n

\u201cWikipedia has a substantial anti-intellectual element, as reflected by silly administrator\u00a0names and nonsensical entries. Check out Wikipedia’s entry for \u2018duh\u2019: \u2018Duh is an American\u00a0English slang exclamation that is used to express disdain for someone missing the\u00a0obviousness of something.\u2019\u201d Intellectuals are never silly. The answer to life, the universe, and\u00a0everything is not 42. D’oh!<\/p>\n

“Wikipedia has a banner to criticize an American treatment of a topic: \u2018The examples and\u00a0perspective in this article or section may not represent a worldwide view of the subject.\u2019 \u2018A\u00a0worldwide view\u2019 is fictional liberal terminology for globalists.” Everybody is always picking\u00a0on America. Poor, poor America. Wait! We’re rich and powerful! Why do we care what\u00a0anyone else thinks? Get bent, rest of the world! Especially you, Canada \u2013 you buncha\u00a0wannabes.<\/p>\n

“Wikipedia’s entry on the \u2018Palestinian People\u2019 omits any mention of terrorism.” Because, as\u00a0we all know, the Palestinian People as a whole are a terrorist organization. In another\u00a0example of Wikipedia’s pro-terrorist agenda, the entry on \u201cAmerican People\u201d omits any\u00a0mention of the Ku Klux Klan, Timothy McVeigh, or the popular television series 24.<\/p>\n

“About 60% of Americans accept the account of the Great Flood in the Bible. But enter\u00a0\u2018Great Flood\u2019 into Wikipedia and it automatically converts that to an entry entitled \u2018Deluge\u00a0(mythology).\u2019” Sixty percent is also the percentage of Americans who accept that Christopher\u00a0Columbus landed on Plymouth Rock.<\/p>\n

“Wikipedia claims about 1.8 million articles, but what it does not say is that a large number\u00a0of those articles have zero educational value.” Conservapedia claims about 18,500 articles,\u00a0but what it does not say is how hilarious most of them are.<\/p>\n

I won\u2019t describe the articles in detail, but I highly recommend the ones on dinosaurs,\u00a0homosexuality, evolution, and global warming. Flipping back and forth between Wikipedia\u00a0and Conservapedia articles on any subject is a riot.<\/p>\n

The administrators of Conservapedia have set up posting and editing guidelines for users.\u00a0The guidelines, appropriately titled \u201cThe Conservapedia Commandments,\u201d contain the\u00a0following humor:<\/p>\n

4. When referencing dates based on the approximate birth of Jesus, give appropriate credit\u00a0for the basis of the date (B.C. or A.D.). \u2018BCE\u2019 and \u2018CE\u2019 are unacceptable substitutes because\u00a0they deny the historical basis.<\/p>\n

5. Do not post personal opinion on an encyclopedia entry.<\/p>\n

I’m no history major, but I did graduate with a degree in history. BCE and CE do not deny the\u00a0historical basis of Jesus; they deny a Christian-centric basis of history itself. The Latin \u201cAnno\u00a0Domini,\u201d or \u201cA.D.,\u201d suggested by the guidelines translates to \u201cin the year of our Lord.\u201d\u00a0Practitioners of Conservative Zoroastrianism who edit Conservapedia have complained that,\u00a0even when referencing the birth of the historical Jesus, the phrase \u201cour Lord\u201d is a matter of\u00a0personal opinion.<\/p>\n

The \u201ccommandments\u201d also threaten up to 10 years incarceration for lewdness, obscenity, and\u00a0site vandalism, referencing 18 USC \u00a7 1470 and 18 USC \u00a7 1030. The site states that, in the\u00a0event of violations, “The IP addresses of vandals will be reported to authorities. That includes\u00a0your employer and your local prosecutor.” This implies that site administrators will\u00a0independently research you and possibly notify your employer directly.<\/p>\n

In case you are considering engaging in immoral e-vandalism of the site, you should know\u00a0that 18 USC \u00a7 1470 outlaws using the post office to deliver explicit material to minors and\u00a018 USC \u00a7 1030 pertains to fraud on secure computer systems, which a user-editable\u00a0encyclopedia is not. Neither of these statutes may be constitutionally applied to prosecute\u00a0anyone for editing Conservapedia.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, the Conservapedia article titled \u201cUnconstitutional\u201d declares that, within the\u00a0U.S. Constitution, “there is little explicit basis” for the Supreme Court\u2019s power to declare\u00a0laws unconstitutional. So, once a lot of people start reading Conservapedia instead of the\u00a0actual constitution, you’ll be prosecuted for doing just about anything that makes people\u00a0uncomfortable. In my case, that may include living on this planet.<\/p>\n

All I can say is check it out for yourself. I couldn’t make this stuff up. I hope, in writing this\u00a0article, I have attracted at least a few web surfers to this site so that they, too, can enjoy\u00a0reading.<\/p>\n

Conservapedia is an invitation for everyone to participate in the narrow-minded and selective\u00a0interpretations of knowledge that are leading to the intellectual decline of Western\u00a0Civilization. Come join the xenophobic party and help make sure that, when Babylon falls,\u00a0we take the rest of the world with us.<\/p>\n

When you visit the site, please note that the familiar Wikipedia \u201cnavigation\u201d panel has been\u00a0replaced by a more commanding \u201cMaster Control\u201d panel. Need I say more?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*originally printed in Red Shtick Magazine – November, 2007 (pdf) There are some universal truths that, once learned, become an undying light in your heart that\u00a0you cannot contain. This light of absolute truth has found me. I am a lying, hypocritical, tyrant of words, yet even I cannot spin the truth I’ve found into the […]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[10],"tags":[39],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1005"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1005"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1005\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1067,"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1005\/revisions\/1067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1005"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1005"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/funkboxing.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1005"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}